Don't I Know It...

Tailor Made

I'm not a particularly big girl (in height or width), so whenever I buy a professional/nice outfit it inevitably needs alterations. I personally like to take my threads over to Eddie's Tailoring. Just the other day a wedding popped up and thinking I had the perfect dress I waited until the day before the event to try it on. Way to go, Braino! That dress be slaggin in the breasteses area (I mean, let's be serious, even Paris Hilton's chest puts me to shame...or any 11 year old boy for that matter). So, what does a lady do when her garment material be all bunchin and scrunchin up in Danny DeVito territory? She rolls down to Fast Eddie's - they be doin some freaky mad alterations, son.

I came back in to pick it up the next day and that shiznits was done proper. I looked so good I was about to ditch my man to go trolling for some new slampieces. But only a minute later, the newly tailored dress released its magical powers and restored my former lady-likeliness. So I rejected the Devil's temptations, stayed with my present love, and went to the wedding where I received many complements (and even a few butt-taps and high-fives). 

I swear, that back-stitching is unlike anything else!

My Idea of Heaven

 

and what? 

So, my sister was telling me that in some state recently (I can't remember which one, forgive me) there was reason for an evacuation. The local news was capturing footage of people during the evacuation and, as most families do when given enough time, they grab their most valuable possessions. Well one particular family was captured collecting their lawn flamingos. I mean, I love me some flamingo, but really?

Give Me a Break

Anyone who says having a child was the best moment of their life has obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine at once.

Any Questions?

 

I just blew your mind.

6 Thruths

1. If you lean your head back and simulate shaking salt into your mouth, you will actually taste salt.

2. All idiots, after reading this first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that the first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now, because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will try this on another idiot.

6. There's still that stupid smile on your face.


I apologize about this.
I'm an idiot and I needed company...

Look on the Bright Side

Belt still in yesterday's pants? Now it's in today's pants.